Have to admit that its hard to believe…But when you are paying attention to the what’s in front of you, you don’t notice what’s behind you….
I can say, without reservation, that it has been an experience. There really is no other way to put it.
I look forward to seeing what’s next as different pieces are beginning to unfold.
Which is super cool. I’ve been waiting a long time. ❤
After the emotional wrestle of the last two weeks, something finally gave and I’m finding myself just Doing It Now in a whirlwind of energy. Can I say…LOVE it?? Seeing the bits of progress in something that is so challenging at first is just so darn rewarding. Have I developed the persistence muscle? Hmm….it seems suspiciously so. Even when I feel like I’m terribly failing (like I kind of have the past couple weeks), its now revealed itself as a temporary bump in the road rather than a derailment. Or rather a trusting of my own process and my own rhythm rather than a falling short of a standard. And theres a beauty in that.
What goes up, must come down. My emotions have been having their way with me – just to test me, it seems. And boy have they ever. Anger seems to be the theme lately. I can’t help it, I’m not content with just redirecting the emotion. I seem to want to dissect it – where is it coming from? what is it really about? Certainly I used the energy to get into some action and that helped, but it wasn’t enough. Still don’t like the tension that it brings, even if I’m working towards something. And sitting with it, sure enough – the root showed itself to me and the tears flowed. I always find that an incredible gift of healing when that happens. Peaceful and focused, I can begin again.
This week has been all about watching emotions and channeling them for good. Some big aha’s about it. Funny how some things just sit there in plain sight and until you just step back a hair, you just don’t see it. Have to love that about awareness. And I definitely appreciate the smoother ride 🙂
This week, project side has been scattered – lots of hiccups.. project wise, emotional challenges. Blah Blah Blah.
That being said, I also experienced some beautiful moments of clarity, light and joy that has taken my breath away. All that other stuff… just trivial…
More of that please.
And THANK you.
I’ve found this week that I’ve been creating so much momentum in working on stuff that I’ve been slacking on my notecards and fitting it all in. Don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. One hand hand I’m definitely in action with my big projects and I’m feeling the energy surge as I mentioned last week, but I also have been so engrossed in it that I’ve been forgetting that which most likely has prompted that shift. Wonder if anyone else has had that happen? But I know what I need to do, and yes….Doing it now is a good idea.
The biggest thing I’ve noticed: Even though I’ve definitely lagged at times in these processes and sometimes it really feels like I’m slugging through the mud, barely hanging on, (ok, a lot of times, it seems like that) overall there seems to be a shift. In my productivity, in my outlook and maybe most importantly in my inspiration and the openness that I have on the flow of ideas and potential that could be there.
This has probably been my most important DMP goal, to discover threads of my DMP within my inspirations. For me, this is most exciting and motivating. I absolutely love being in the creative process where you’ve begun, you are in the flow and you have no idea what’s going to come out, but yet given the rapid fire flow you are in, you know intrinsically that it’s going to be good – whatever it is.
I feel this often in my painting process, that I am not the one doing the painting when I am in this space. This is similar to how I’ve experience this last week. Except applied to life in general. Rapid fire movement from the beginning of the day to the end, not sure where its going exactly (just like I have no idea what the final outcome of my painting will ultimately look like), but feel the surge of energy moving me forward to the next task. Funny how I didn’t realize that until I sat down now to write. Reflecting on it now, it’s pretty amazing.
I’m excited to see where this is heading because I know what happens when I paint. I’m looking forward to the final product – it is always much better and richer than I could ever have imagined or painted on my own.